K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
