I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
