i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
