I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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