So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
