And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
