Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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