It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
