Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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