fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
