I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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