I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
