We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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