Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
