Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
this hospital has no fireball
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
