he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
