i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
