You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
