let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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