about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
