we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
