i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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