He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
