New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
