Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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