either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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