remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Randomize
