Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
