dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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