i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
