I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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