you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
