I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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