My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
