I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
