Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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