just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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