I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I faked an abortion last night.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
