There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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