guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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