I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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