I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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