i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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