In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
