he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
