We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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