Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
