The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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