two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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