duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
