Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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