I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
