Having a random hookup so left but love u
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
