for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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