Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
